I wonder if a butterfly hanging wet-winged and upside down from a slender branch doesn’t look up at the grass or down at the sky and think to herself, “Hello, Grass,” or “Hello, Sky, I have been away for a while. But I am here now.”
In June of 2010 started working full-time in order to provide for the family during a long financial dry spell. I found out quickly that I was not Super Woman. I failed often at work, excelled at nothing at home. I stopped writing, crafting, cooking, stopped playing a meaningful role in the homeschooling. The loss of eight, nine, ten hours of every one of my days forced me to abandon nearly every parenting practice and homekeeping habit that I held dear. It was all I could do to survive from day to day as I tried to keep work tasks, thoughts and stress from completely taking over my mind, body and spirit. I just…stopped making a home for my family. And after two years, this became a new normal, and I thought that this “who I am” was going to be forever.
And then, last month, I spent a week with my family and some good friends in the sunshine and sea air. I walked beaches and collected shells, cooked simple meals for eight, and took pictures. My skin became bronzed, my long hair curled in the salt and damp.
In the quiet hours of that week, I came to understand that the overall breakdown of my family life had everything to do with the small choices I made every day. Grain by grain the hourglass is emptied and filled. I realized that in any life, every minute of the day must be used wisely to work towards a worthy goal. On the last evening of that trip, while standing at the edge of the Atlantic, I made a decision to make my life and my home into what I knew it could be.
That decision made at the seaside three weeks ago has had wonderfully positive effects at home. We’re living in more order, have initiated and begun garden and decorating projects, and the overall atmosphere swirling around us is hopeful and excited. The children are bright-eyed and enjoy their days. I have learned to fully refocus my brain on the things of home once my workday ends.
And my posting here resumes, this site that is, was, and always will be a celebration of family life and people and places that I love. It feels good to be back.
Parting note: I’ve moved this site from a free Blogger blog to a privately-hosted WordPress site. If you are reading this in a feed reader, thank you so much for remaining subscribed to this desert of a journal, and, my God, either you are a special breed of person, or you haven’t dethatched your feed in many moons.